Sometimes I care too much what people think.
This hiccup in my personality seems to come out most when I’m on a plane. And since I’ve been traveling a lot, I notice it all the more.
For example, I’ve been reading the Twilight series. I want to branch into writing some teen fiction, so I was curious about what exactly drew teens into the shimmery vampire/handsome werewolf world.
Well, as soon as a woman sat down next to me on my flight, I wanted to explain my reading material.
“I know you’re going to glance over and see what I’m reading,” I wanted to say, “but I just want you to know in advance that I’m not a grown woman with a crush on Edward Cullen. I’m doing research.”
“Don’t raise your eyebrows at me,” I’d add, “I’m serious!”
So in order to avoid that awkward conversation, I was reading the book on my i-pad with a napkin casually balanced over the title of the book at the top of the page.
On another plane I was studying notes for an upcoming interview on purity. I was reading through the questions—several of them talked about sex (and yes, used the word). Several more talked about purity. A big burly man was sitting next to me. I caught him reading my stuff out of the corner of his eye, but when I turned to look in his direction—he quickly looked out the window, at the ceiling, anywhere but at me. I could almost feel him squeezing his body as far from mine as possible. Like at any moment I might look at him, bunch up my eyebrows, wag my finger and ask him what he’s been up to for the last few days.
I faced another situation in an airport in Raleigh, NC. I was sitting at a table in a sports grill type place. Brian’s birthday is coming up, so I was in the middle of working on a card for him. I knew this would be one of the only times I’d get to work on it, so I opened up my bag and pulled out my crayons, markers and colored pencils. Yes, I was making him a card. A very big and elaborate card that counted out fifty things that I love about him.
I put three things per page and colored, shaded, filled in all my cool lettering and fancy pictures.
A very business-type gentleman sat a few tables down.
“Oh,” he said, after glancing at my crafty-giftedness a time or two, “are you a teacher?”
I turned a few shades of red as I responded. “No, ummm…. I’m actually making a card for my husband.”
“Making a card?”
I colored in my number 40 and shaded the words, “You are studly!” on my card.
“Yes.” I said. Without turning to him.
The waitress showed the same curiosity. “Are you an artist?”
“Ummm, no. I’m making a card for my husband’s 50th birthday.”
I could almost hear her thoughts. Hmmm… how… special.
I must have sat at the table for a few hours with various folks going by. I felt a little weird with all my crayons and markers scattered all around, but I continued to scribble, color, and draw away.
Actually, wait a second! You know what? I guess I don’t care too much what people think. Or at least the discomfort doesn’t stop me from doing stuff. Despite my embarrassment, I still read the vampire book. I still worked on the purity questions. I still sat in the middle of a busy restaurant and colored pictures for my husband like a giggly second grader.
I think its love. I love teens and want to know what captures their hearts. I love purity and want to share its amazing coolness with the world. And I love my husband, my hunka-hunka burning love and I don’t care who knows it.
I guess that’s our ultimate cure for pushing through all things uncomfortable, right? Love. Love makes us do crazy things.
So friends, what has love made you do lately?