Monthly Archives: February 2017

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Wilna – the big of our littles

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She is brave, strong, fiercely passionate about almost everything. At 12 years old, she is part woman with grown up thoughts, ideas and feelings and part little girl who can get lost in dress up and loves a colorful band-aid on her boo-boos.

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I tell her often that God overdosed when he poured out her talents. He simply forgot to move on to the next person and gave her far more than her fair share. She smiles her dimpled grin and shakes her head when I tell her that, but it’s true. She’s athletic, beautiful, musical, artistic and her smile takes our breath away. She’s got a knack for fashion and does a better job of dressing me than I do.

She is our daughter and we are crazy about her.

She also has pain. Anger. Deep hurt from circumstances beyond her control. She misses her family and friends and the ache is deep. The stories she has shared deep into the night have left me sleepless with their intensity and heartbreak. How could one so little have suffered so much? She tells me with calm control, but the tears or anger come at other moments – when it’s safer to feel. Something that seems small will trigger the pain and I have to remind myself that behind the moment is so much more. I will hold her, wishing I could make it better, ease the pain, erase the memories.

And at the same time I know that it’s those things that have made her so strong and fierce and brave and beautiful.

So I pray over her and I hold her fast.

She is ours and we love her.

Twelve years old is a volatile age. Hormones raging, friendship challenges, emotions all over the map – and that’s without a history of heartbreak and loss.

And yet she manages it so beautifully, far better than I would have at her age. I’m proud of her, protective of her, prayerful for her future.

I want her to keep expressing emotion, keep crying, laughing, cuddling, processing. I want the emotion to come out as it is and I pray to keep it from going to dark, hard or bitter places. We pray that with her – that God would give her avenues to express herself and for the enemy to keep far away from those open wounds.

I can’t wait to see how God heals, restores, rebuilds. I can’t wait to see Wilna use her talents to shine Jesus into the hearts of others. I can’t wait to see her beautiful story unfold.

And I just pray God gives us just what we need to mama and papa her through it all.

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Like breathing or eating or peeing.

I have to write.

Dishes are piled up in the sink, a child is doing cartwheels off the couch, the puppy is chewing a lovely pair of shoes…

And here I sit, typing away on the computer with a smile on my face looking, as my husband says, just like Stevie Wonder. Only white.

I mean seriously. Life is delightfully full. My time is wrapped up in relationship. I have a wonderful, stud muffin man who melts me with his kisses, four adopted littles (12, 8, 5, 3) who do cartwheels off stuff, four bigs (31, 28, 26, 25) who are launching cool life adventures and a sweet mama who offers wisdom and support in the chaos. Add a cute little puppy who snuggles and wags and chews. And well, you get the picture.

So when am I going to write?

I know I don’t have time, but writing feeds me. I have to do it: like breathing, eating, peeing. It’s something I was born to do. And somehow writing to you about things happening to me – helps me see God better, feel him more, notice him more. And I so desperately want that. I don’t want to miss a single God kiss. I need him. Not only that, I need to share him with you. Share this with you. That’s what we are wired to do. Share life. Share Jesus. Share joy. Share laughter.

Oh, and I’m not the only one meant to do this. You have to do what you were made to do too. Because I feel him when you do. When you sing, dance, write, speak, paint, comfort, parent, teach. Do it, friends. You make him real to me, to us all. Please!

So there you have it. I’m all passionate and full. I’m ready to roll and this is my final blogging home.

I will import all the content from GodHasDimples and WhenHopeComesHome and will do the rest of my writing here. I promise.

Will you join me? Go do something you were meant to do and feel God’s pride and joy! Don’t worry too much if you don’t know exactly what it is. Try lots of things and see what gets you up in the morning with a smile on your face – making you look a whole lot like Stevie Wonder.

And then do it.

Can’t wait to see it!

Smiling big,

Elsa

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